By MMD
He’s on the floor. I think he’s asleep. Yeah, asleep. Great. Looks like he was out too late last night. Fuckin idiot. Sorry. Yeah. In the middle of the hallway too. Shit, man, you look like crap. Come on. Come on, get up. Up and at ’em.
mmleevmelonmmmgh
Wake up, dude. I can’t God dammit. I’ll have to call you back.
Yeah, he’s- Yeah, ok, love you yeah. Love you too. Yeah, I will. Okay, I- Yep. Love you. Bye.
Dude, what are you doing?
schleepinnnn
Well it’s 2 in the afternoon and you missed class. We’ve got shit to do today so I need you to get up.
stop kickin me
I’m not kicking you.
oh, my head
Quit being dramatic.
Come on, buddy, let’s get up now. I’m
You
You gotta
help
help me here.
Where’s your other shoe? Come on, stand up.
There you go. Good morning, starshine. Have a fun night last night?
fuck you asshole
That’s the spirit. How you feel, buddy?
like i got hit with a baseball bat to the head.
You look like it too.
fuck you.
Maybe that’ll teach you something this time, huh? Get dressed, dude, we’re going out.
going where and for what?
The liquor store. Mom
oh so you drink now?
No, dumbass. Mom needs us to pick up a gift for Dad for Christmas.
then why do you need why do you need me there?
wheres my goddamn shoe?
Because you have Mom’s card.
God only knows how much you used it on drinks last night…
then why are you here? she coulda called me.
She tried to, multiple times.
shit. fuck. oh shit five times im fucked.
You didn’t answer for obvious reasons. So, she sent me over here to wake your sorry ass up. You still have the card, right?
yeah it’s in my wallet. see?
Well, it’s good to know you didn’t lose that. Mom would kill you.
dude, quit with the
Here’s your shoe.
thanks.
the sanctimonious bullshit. it was a friends birthday last night and we were having fun. honestly youre acting like im some sort of drunkard. i rarely ever drink dude. just because youre sober doesnt mean that i cant go out from time to time.
That’s not what I was trying to Maybe if… Nevermind, just forget it. You got everything?
i think so
Cool. Let’s go then. I’ll drive.
well that’s not my worst parking job
It’s in the middle of your lawn.
eh could be worse.
so how is santa fe?
Surprisingly cold, actually.
well yeah dude its next to fuckin mountains
I just thought that it would be more like the desert is all. Like West Texas was, you know?
no i get you man yeah. i bet its beautiful out there. cool mountains and crows and shit yeah
It’s like living in a dream, for sure.
what kind of dream? good dream bad dream? wet dream?
What kind of question is that, dude? Like, what does that mean?
i dont know man i was just trying to make conversation is all! fuckin hell!
no need to bite my head off about it. youre in a shit mood today
You would be too if you drove for almost 8 hours to see your family for the
first time in a year and then you have to immediately go pick up
your alcoholic brother off the floor
im not a fuckin alcoholic.
because he doesn’t understand the meaning of restraint!
Meanwhile, you haven’t had an ounce of sleep after a long drive,
and you didn’t get much sleep the night before because you were packing for the trip,
and so now you’re running last minute errands for a family
who has never been able to get their shit together long enough to do it themselves!
how is any of this my fault? you were the one who chose to come home this year.
you could have went with whatshername and been with her family again instead of coming out here.
since you hate your shit family so much why not just go with her instead? god youre just being so annoying!
Do you not listen to a word I fucking say? We broke up at
Halloween, dude! I told you we broke up! That ship has
sailed right over the edge and off a cliff. So yeah, of course I
came home this time. It’s like,
why do I even try with you?
well i apologize for having my own life and my own problems to worry about dude!
i cant keep track of your tumultuous shit all the time! hell i can barely keep track of mine!
Then shut the hell up about her and just drop it!
no if this is something you want to talk about then we can talk all about it! all you want!
today is your day! you have the floor sir what do you want to tell me all about your life?
Just fucking drop it!
Just drop it.
why did yall break up?
She cheated on me.
jesus man. im so sorry
I said fucking drop it.
yeah. sorry.
hey.
What?
i love you bro.
Thanks.
so what exactly were we looking for again?
Some fancy bourbon or something. I don’t remember what the brand was. Let me text Mom again and ask.
dude just get him whatever. anything under a hundred bucks all tastes the same anyways.
how about this one?
No, that’s not it. Okay she just texted me back with a picture of it. Do you see this anywhere?
uh no. i believe they are sold out.
Shit. Okay. One sec.
im gonna pop out for a minute. cigarette break.
Alright. I’ll be there in a little bit.
Just get whatever. Anything under a hundred bucks tastes the same anyways.
Great. Thanks, Mom. Glad to see you put as much thought into your gifts as ever.
got it?
Yeah. Why are you sitting in the truck bed?
theres a bunch of crows up on that line over there.
Fascinating. Get in so we can go.
wait here a minute. i wanna watch them a bit.
Dude, we don’t have time to birdwatch.
just give me like five minutes bro.
Okay, fine.
We had a pet crow.
in santa fe?
Yeah. Well, I say pet but it was more like a mascot.
thats fun.
Yeah.
He’d come around and patrol our little sidewalk all the time.
She named him Sheriff Crow. I suggested something a little less generic but I don’t know the name stuck I guess.
He was the lawman, always on guard for any thievin’ crow bandits runnin’ about tryin’ to nab some damsel’s shiny trinkets.
heh Ha Ha
Then eventually he just
stopped showing up on the sidewalk. Like he’d moved on and retired from the law business.
I always hoped he’d come back some day but nope.
just gone?
Just gone.
i bet hes out there somewhere bein the best lawbird in the west.
Maybe.
He’s probably dead though.
most likely.
Eaten by a coyote.
or roadkill yeah.
Damn shame. He was a good lawbird.
best there ever was
He once fought a crow bandit who was stealin’ pinwheels from people’s yards.
damn fine bird. damn fine shame.
May he rest in peace.
amen brother. amen.
Hey, man, I didn’t mean what I said in the car.
yeah. yeah you did.
Yeah, I did.
i meant what i said too.
I know.
there they go.
There they go.
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